Here’s a post for two categories. Diversions and Temptations.

Yesterday was another day and today is already that much brighter. Not because it’s not raining and actually happens to be sunny here in Portland right now. Ha.

I’ll start right with Temptations.

Some of you know my stance on children. I used to be in the someday camp until just a few months ago. I’m definitely in the yes camp and it took me awhile to admit that to myself. Children and I have always gotten along splendidly. Perhaps it’s this not so mythical biological clock. Either way, allow me to present to you something that I discovered via Web Urbanist:

Lethal Baby Stuff that Slices and Dices

I’ve got no words. You see, I’ve been fairly wildly impractical at times and I think that Graco and other baby companies could take some inspiration from Chinese artist Shi Jinsong. Click on the link to Web Urbanist, as there are many more pictures. Wow wow wow.

Onto Diversions. Some of you might already know about the mighty powerhouse that is Ignite. They have chapters in so very many cities and I’m pleased to attend my very first Ignite. It will be here in Portland, tomorrow, March 3rd.

What is Ignite?

Fast-paced, fun, thought-provoking, social, local, global—Ignite is all of these and more. It’s a high-energy evening of 5-minute talks by people who have an idea—and the guts to get onstage and share it with their hometown crowd. Run by local volunteers who are connected through the global Ignite network, Ignite is a force for raising the collective IQ and building connections in each city. And, via streaming and archived videos of local talks, local Ignites share all that knowledge and passion with the world.

I’m excited about many of the scheduled talks tomorrow. Have you ever attended an Ignite before?

Strength, love and light, J.

Title also known as clinical.

I can say that it’s accurate to say that I am suffering from some of the worst clinical depression of my life. There are some days where I don’t even want to get out of bed, much less address my days and commitments.

Maybe it’s the Gemini in me or the kind of traits that I have, but I’ve always tried my best to be as stoic as possible, so as not to give the impression that if when asked, “How are you?” that my answer would ever be different. “I’m fine, how are you?”

I’m not fine. Not this time.

I’m getting better, though. It’s a combined effort and I have a team that is becoming more expensive.

With every new day comes different feelings and even if they are just the slightest bit better than the previous day’s, then I consider myself fortunate. These are feelings that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Some of the thoughts about the last few months overwhelm and go in a loop of some sort. Only my loop is like a David Lynch movie with a strobe (Twin Peaks) or perhaps an errand saxophone riff (a la Lost Highway)? These thoughts that occupy my brain right now are grand at times, fairly delusional at others and usually result in me feeling very sad. Perhaps the “Crying” scene in Mulholland Drive? I’ll take sad though, over hopeless and powerless for $400, Alex.

I’d been living a lot harder for the past 2+ years and have had a lot of situations and relationships present themselves that have felt like an out of control roller coaster, about to fly off the tracks. You don’t know what you’re going to see at the next turn, much less be able to catch your breath to slow your heart rate. At long last, I’ve stepped off of the roller coaster and am now addressing the dizziness that mimics vertigo at times.

I question my perceptions as of late. Or rather, the eyes with which I’m seeing today, tonight, whatever.

The Royal Tease burlesque show last night went swimmingly well and I have secured myself a continued position with the event, which I’m intensely thrilled about. I’ve got an idea for an act that perhaps hasn’t been done before, at least not quite in the way that I envision it. Neo-burlesque, sure, and that’s putting it loosely. It’s going to based around one of my favorite movies ever and the color of my hair and I’ll leave it at that.

I finally feel at home on a stage, this coming 5 years after starting my foray into the wide and wonderful world of burlesque.

It’s time for some other challenges that are outside of myself and I’ve got some ideas that are of the more volunteer oriented type that don’t concern pursuits of folly and vanity. Perhaps I’ve been working too much on my outside that my inside really needs to be dusted off?

This is also the first time that I’ve been single in, um, wow. Quite a while. I don’t have a lot of experience at this singledom thing. I’ve been doing a lot of reading, writing and reflecting about everything that I’ve experienced thus far. I’m me and need to fill more of me with me, if that makes sense. Not looking to others and nouns and adjectives outside of myself.

Methinks that I’ve already got enough nouns and adjectives within myself to last awhile. Even though it feels painful right now, I’m truly glad to be me. I don’t want to be anyone else and I don’t wish this depression on anyone.

Strength, love and light, J.